Guess who's back? Back again...

Hello everyone! 

I'm aware I've been pretty absent and neglectful of this blog - it definitely doesn't deserve it as it helped me through the many crappy events of last year - but I hope you'll let me off as I have been super busy! With that in mind I have written this edition to elaborate on several of the FREAKING AWESOME things that have happened since my last post. You may want to make yourself a drink and get yourself cosy; we're going to be here for a while. Hey ho, let's go...

My Work Life
If my memory serves me right I believe that my last post was about leaving Midwifery and moving on to becoming a Library Assistant extraordinaire? Well, that happened. I've been at my library post for just over three months and I bloody well love it. I miss people I used to work with but not once have I missed actual Midwifery, so I'm pretty darn happy about that. Plus I now work with some of the most fantastic people that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting - very patient people who have answered my one billion, incredibly annoying, questions and have never once told me to go away. For this I have to say a huge thank you! One day I promise that I will become the World's Best Library Assistant, but for now I feel like my colleagues are mentally rolling their eyes when they see me heading their way - but thank you for not physically rolling them at me, it's much appreciated!
Midwifery - 0: Library Assistant - 1

My Personal Life
(Strap yourselves in everyone, this is where it get extra exciting *dramatic music*)
As of the 5th May 2018, I am now MARRIED! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hdjflshfdshfdskhfskhdsjweljwkewjklejklwejewk *excited noises*
Here's an incredibly arty photo of me and my new husband, eeek!

All credit for how good we look definitely goes to my fantastic photographer Claire - www.artbyclairephotography.com

We genuinely had THE BEST time ever and have to say a huge thank you to all that came and celebrated with us, we hope you enjoyed it as much as we did - if I could relive any day of my life that would be the one for me (funnily enough, the day I got diagnosed with cancer wasn't in the running...) I have to also give a big shout-out to Nyssa, my absolutely lovely and brilliant make-up artist for the day. If you're reading this (and I hope you are) just know you are fantastic and I would definitely not have had the courage to go wig-less if you hadn't been there with your awesome cheerleader skills! If anyone is looking for a makeup artist for anything, ever, look her up please - www.nyssaaddison.co.uk - she'll not only do your make-up, she'll also make you feel like you are the most amazing human being that ever walked this earth.

What else to update you on? Oh yes, I can briefly summarise our honeymoon if you would like? It was Amazing - it 100% earned that capital A. Brief summary over. Here's a photo of Warren pretending he has the necessary skills to fly a helicopter:

That was a helicopter flight over the Grand Canyon FYI. It was insane! In the best way.

What's that? You would like an extended "brief summary" of the honeymoon? Your wish is my command, as they say:

• 7 night cruise from Miami with day trips to Mexico, Belize and Honduras = bloody brilliant.
• 5 night stay in The Mirage in Las Vegas with a Grand Canyon helicopter tour, a meal in the Eiffel Tower restaurant, Cirque Du Soleil show and the CSI experience = bloody brilliant.

So there you have it folks, it was bloody brilliant. It took up pretty much all of our holiday allowance for the year but it was definitely worth it. Plus a big thank you to Auntie Beth (haha!) for dog sitting, Toby just told me to tell you that he misses you!

SKINNY DIP

Yes, you read that correctly - SKINNY DIP! Last month me and my bestie for the restie, Faye, travelled to Wicklow in Ireland to partake in an attempt at the world's largest skinny dip. With 2,500 women we flipping smashed it (we had to beat 700) and are now very proud Guinness World Record holders! It was women only and I fully recommend it to any woman out there - it was the most empowering day and the nakedness was such a small part of it. I've never seen so many shapes and sizes - it was definitely a fantastic reminder that people rarely look like how the media tells us that we should. We're going back next year, feel free to tag along!

It is definitely a contender for the best weekend ever. We may have lost a dog - and potentially stole a dog - at our Air Bnb (quite a long story - just know that it had a happy outcome) but I would do the weekend over again in a heartbeat. Here's a photo of us pre skinny dip (on the wine and doing fine at 10am!):

Life Without Larry

So I feel that I need to talk about my life post-cancer and I apologise for that. If you would like to skip this section then I will in no way hold it against you, for those still with me please just know that it's a little bit of a Debbie Downer.

I'm going to 100% honest right now. Alright? Here goes:

I feel like people expect me to be over the fact that I have had cancer.

There, I said it.

I have to say that I'm definitely in a much better place than I was before, but I still think about it and worry about it multiple times a day. I'm not over it and I don't think that I ever will be. I have days when I can't do much except cry; they are thankfully rare but they do happen, so if I last-minute cancel plans with you it's probably due to that and not that I don't want to hang out with you. I also struggle to make long-term plans and life goals as I have a little voice in my head that informs me that I probably won't live as long as everyone else. Sad but true, I feel like my whole life is one big question mark. I told you it would be a Debbie Downer!

I know that people have incredibly busy lives and I'm fully aware that I don't have cancer anymore, but it's always there no matter what I do. It's like Larry vacated his squat but he still sends me regular postcards.

I'm truly sorry to be so honest but this blog was born out of the fact that I needed somewhere to vent, so that's what I've done. F**k you Larry.

Now, I feel like I can't leave you on a downer so I've selected lyrics from another song that helped me through my cancer treatment. The song is 'I Lived' by OneRepublic and if you feel a bit crap I recommend it. If you were at the wedding you may know it as it's the one that made Faye and I actually run to dance!

"I hope that you spend your days

But they all add up,

And when that sun goes down

Hope you raise your cup,

I wish that I could witness

All your joy and all your pain,

But until my moment comes

I'll say

I, I did it all,

I, I did it all,

I owned every second that this world could give,

I saw so many places, the things that I did,

Yeah with every broken bone,

I swear I lived."

Until next time, blog fans, I wish you all the health and happiness in the world.

Love, Meg xx

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National Larry Removal Day

Why, hello there!

It's me! I'm back again! And I've got a little update for you all, which I'll come to in a little while. It's an area of my life not directly linked with cancer (who knew that I had any of those left, eh? Cancer is pretty damn life consuming!) but it's a big old change so hold on to your hats.

But first it appears that another Cancerversary™ has come and gone and I DIDN'T blog about it! Saaaaayyy whaaaat? This particular celebration should have taken place last Tuesday (13th Feb) when it was one whole year since my operation. RIP Larry the lump - you gave me pure hell but I gave it back and I won. So sayonara you lumpy jerk, it's been a whole year and I still don't miss you. Sometimes I miss who I used to be before I had to come to the pretty horrible realisation that nobody is immortal - especially not me. That feeling usually passes quite quickly, however, and is helped along when I remember how bloody proud of myself I am that I got through last year. So yeah, screw you Larry and screw the horse you rode in on.

My next Cancerversary™ isn't until the 18th April, when we will celebrate the anniversary of my PICC line insertion (and the end of the joy of having a bath), bet you can't wait for that one, amiright? Put it in your diaries, let's have a good old fashioned PICC party!

Now we move on to the update that I mentioned at the beginning - I'm incredibly nervous and full of stress to announce this but here goes - for the foreseeable future (and possibly forever) I am leaving Midwifery. Yes, you read that right - in the next few weeks I will cease to be working as a Midwife. It is a decision that has brought only relief and no regret at all - things haven't been the same since I went back and my priorities in life have changed a lot. I can no longer cope with the sheer amount of stress that I feel at work and I am constantly letting down my colleagues and the women in my care because I feel as though the stress stops me from doing my job properly. So to everyone I work with presently, and all those I used to work with, I want to say I huge thank you for all the love and support you have given me. I love you all. Keep on keeping on - you are all bloody amazing people who do bloody amazing jobs but I'm afraid it's last orders for me. I may return, who knows? But I need to take a break to work out what works for me.

What's next for me, I hear you ask? Well I am off to work at Watford central library, a fact that actually makes me incredibly happy. I always wanted to be a librarian when I was little and now my childhood dreams are coming true! Bring it on!

That's all from me team, I'm off to internet shop for some glasses and a pencil skirt - I'm going to rock this librarian look...

Love, Meg xx

P.S. Liking my story? Why not follow or subscribe by email below? I promise I won't bombard you with lots of blog posts, I'm strictly a every few weeks kinda gal.

Year we go.

Cancer-versary

Today I feel that I have to write a blog post as it's a particularly important date; one year ago today I received the life-changing news that the lump I jokingly named Larry was in fact cancerous and out to kill me. Blunt but true. A year ago today my world got turned upside-down and things that I thought were important became significantly less so, all that was important at that stage was how I was going to kick Larry's little arse. And we did; now here I am in remission - with approximately 75% less hair but alive. I owe my life to the fabulous medical teams at both St Albans & Mount Vernon hospitals; I cannot thank them enough, they were bloody AMAZING. I also want to thank each and every one of you out there, I genuinely feel as though I would never have got through this with half as much strength if it hadn't been for all the love and support you have given me. 
THANK YOU!

If I have learnt anything throughout this (at times seemingly never-ending) journey it is this: don't waste your time stressing about the little stuff. Do what makes you happy, spend time with people that make you happy and the rest will sort itself out. Life is short but people are awesome, I'm happy for you to quote me on that!

I also have to send a shout out to the people I worked with on Monday (especially the particularly fantastic Irena). On Monday I found a lump in my armpit and I freaked out - not just a small freak out, it was a very messy affair. I've now had a scan and it's all absolutely fine but I just want to thank everyone who witnessed my freak out and calmed me down, I bloody love you all. One day I'm sure I will stop freaking out about every tiny change in my body and I canny wait! Cancer will not beat me but it is at the forefront of my mind most days so I apologise to anyone that thinks I talk about it too much. I'm trying to stop! 

I've decided that 2018 is going to be one huge year of awesomeness, whether it likes it or not. I have many plans already: getting married in May, honeymoon and I'm off to Ireland twice - once on St Patrick's weekend where we're dressing up as cheese (don't ask, I'm going to be mascarpone though!) and the second time in June when me and my bestie are going skinny dipping with hundreds of other ladies (most have been affected by cancer in some way) to break the world record! Bring. It. On. Watch out 2018, I'm coming for you.

Now to end I'm going to leave you with some song lyrics from one of the songs that got me through some particularly nasty times (looking at you, chemotherapy):

"If you wake up and don't want to smile,
If it takes just a little while,
Open your eyes and look at the day,
You'll see things in a different way.

Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone."

Yup, that is 'Don't Stop' by Fleetwood Mac. Yup, I have just quoted it at you. If you ever are having a crap time I guarantee that song will help, give it a go.

Until next time, team!

Love, Meg xx

P.S. Liking my story? Why not follow or subscribe by email below? I promise I won't bombard you with lots of blog posts, I'm strictly a every few weeks kinda gal.