Baby Got Back

We were finally out of hospital...

...and we came home and got to work adapting to being a family of four. That and remembering how utterly knackering the newborn stage is - we waved goodbye to sleep and got to grips with being elbow deep in nappies and baby milk. Things ticked along pretty normally - Connor was still breathing pretty fast but we were told that he would continue to do so until he cleared the air from around his lung. Things were bone-achingly tiring but they were also 'normal' and we slowly got used to it.

Then everything changed. Connor developed a cough at four weeks of age but we put it down to the fact that we'd all also had a mild cough, I can't tell you how much I wish now that we'd been right about that. A few days after the cough started he then became very sleepy and stopped taking as much milk - for Connor that's a big deal as he's a large baby with an equally large appetite, so we started to think something was up. Luckily our very brilliant Health Visitor changed her plans the day we contacted her and came to check on him for us. When she arrived he was showing some little signs that he was struggling to breathe - she took one look at him and suggested we take him to A&E for review. 

Children's A&E was RAMMED. Like, only one parent allowed RAMMED. We eventually got seen and by then Connor was really struggling to maintain his oxygen levels. He was diagnosed with bronchiolitis, put on oxygen and a little feeding tube was placed down his nose. It was a total whirlwind, especially because I'd convinced myself on the drive in to the hospital that they'd laugh us out of A&E for wasting their time. I do have to say that despite how busy children's A&E was, as soon as they realised that Connor had the pneumothorax we were immediately prioritised and seen really quickly; I am so very grateful for that.

That was Tuesday. It's now Sunday and he's still in hospital. The level of stress is unreal. The viral swab that they took when he arrived came back that he has the common cold and a virus called RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus) - they're both pretty common but unfortunately in Connor it's spread to his lungs and caused the bronchiolitis. Viruses cannot be treated with antibiotics so they just have to manage the side effects which will then allow him to fight the viruses and hopefully start to recover, It's incredibly difficult to watch your tiny baby fight something that you cannot see and cannot fight for them.

That's where we are, waiting for improvement. He's not 100% better but at the same time he's not getting worse. So we wait. Because of the RSV and the fact that viruses are contagious we have been put into our own little cubicle. I can't quite bring myself to call it a side room as it's pretty much a cupboard with a sink.

• Cubicle pros - our own TV, being able to talk & sing to myself and know that no one thinks I'm a little bit on the weird side.
• Cubicle cons - it makes me think that I'm Harry Potter, if Harry Potter never got his Hogwarts letter and had a sick baby - basically it's quite small with no windows

Now we've become those parents, the kind of parents that the staff have come to recognise in the corridor because they've been there so long, There are many little head nods in greeting as I amble from my cubicle to the toilet & back and my name has now changed to become 'Connor's Mum'.

So we keep going, every time that he manages to maintain his oxygen levels for a little while, or he takes a little more milk at a feed, or he just opens his eyes and we can see that he's really realising we're there - it's all a little win and helps us to briefly & optimistically imagine the moment when he's well enough to come home and we can start to be a family again.

Final mention is our little Dylan, he is absolutely taking this all in his stride and we are impressed with how well he's coping. Every day he's carted off to someone else's house so that we can swap over at the hospital and every day he deals with the changes with minimal fuss. It sounds corny but he's our little ray of sunshine and we couldn't be more proud of him. 

That's all I have for now. Stay tuned for updates! Every fibre of my being hopes for some good news soon.

Love, Meg xx

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